Away
by sakabatou-tetsusaiga
Summary: It surprised me to find she didn't come for me. Wretched sobs yanked at my heart as I walked. But I had to go. I suppose we realized that when you love someone, sometimes you have to let go...-song fic..Sorta..- -mir.san pairing-
1. Away

I don't own Miroku... Yes this songfic relates to Sango and he. The song I own.... I have a CD. I merely do not own the rights to the song, and therefore have borrowed the lyrics, as well as the characters. Thank you, and enjoy.  
  
The song is 'Pushing me away' By Linkin Park  
  
I love Linkin Park, as well as Miroku. The perfect combination. Anyway... Here's the fic.  
  
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{I've lied To you The same way that I always do}  
  
I can still remember her words. So soft. So sincere. The soft melody still chimes through my head. I regret what I'm doing, but I must keep going. Farther and farther from her. The deeper I travel through the dark forest, the deeper my sense of pain grows. The feeling of longing. I've never missed the company of another before her. But I had to leave. I'm not willing to hurt her. So I'm running away instead. I can pretend this doesn't hurt her just as badly. I can convince myself I'm doing the right thing, even if my heart tells me differently.  
  
She asked me not to leave. She told me to come back. I said I would. I'm a liar, on top of all my other sins.  
  
{This is The last smile That I'll fake for the sake of being with you}  
  
I smiled as I as told her the lie. I smiled, and she believed it, even if it broke my heart to do it. I honestly heard a soft tinkle as I did, as if my heart were made of glass, and I'd shattered it. Because in a sense I had. Leaving her behind was the hardest thing I could ever do. Though I did it.  
  
{Everything falls apart Even the people who never frown eventually break down}  
  
I left because the truth haunts me. I love her. I don't want to hurt her. And staying would hurt her. Because the kazaana...It aches. Throbs and writhes. I don't think I have much time left. I wasn't going to stick around, to let her watch, as I watched my father.  
  
Yes, that is the truth of the matter, and it chases me through the forest as I flee, almost as if it were a person.  
  
{The sacrifice of hiding in a lie}  
  
I pretended for so long that things would be fine. I pretended we could be happy. I pretended I didn't love her. I pretended all that and more, and now I'm hitting reality, and hard, as pain rips its talons through my hand. I've lied to her. And myself.  
  
{Everything has to end you'll soon find We're out of time left to watch it all unwind}  
  
It's happening too soon. I just want to tell her how I feel. But it's coming. I'm being pursued by death. He wears no hooded cloak, as some believe. No, even though I flee him, he's with me. Just waiting. Churning under the cloth upon my hand.  
  
I'll never know what happens to them. Kami-sama... I want to so badly. I want to see them find Kohaku. I want to see her smile. I want to see Inuyashas choice. But time is against me.  
  
{The sacrifice is never knowing Why I never walked away}  
  
I could have left so many times before now. I could have spared her the pain of being my friend, and loosing me. I could have spared them all. I'm sure they'll get over it. Even so. I could have spared them grief. So why didn't I?  
  
{Why I played myself this way}  
  
I guess it's because I hung onto the slim sliver of hope things would be alright for me in the end. I hoped I'd be able to live happily, rather than die the tormenting death that was getting even closer. Tearing through the forest, I note dimly it is nightfall. I don't know where I'm going. It doesn't matter anyway.  
  
{Now I see Your testing me Pushes me away}  
  
"f it weren't for you, Naraku, I'd have had a good life. You pressed me to the limits. You tested us all. I know they'll win. I know you'll face their wrath. It's because of you I have to run away."  
  
{Why I never walked away}  
  
Why didn't I just go for Naraku on my own? Why didn't I turn around, and go back to the right path? Why did I choose this fate, even if it was unwilling.  
  
Why didn't I leave?  
  
{Why I played myself this way}  
  
I had to pretend, didn't I? Live this horrible lie, convincing myself things turned out right. How can they turn out right, if they didn't even begin right? I'm alone again, as I was for the majority of my life. And I can think of nothing but Sango. At least I can pretend she'll be happier without a hentai around. Or maybe I'm pretending she won't be...Though she probably will be.  
  
{Now I see Your testing me Pushes me away}  
  
Farther and farther I run. Naraku must die. She must be happy. Naraku made me leave. So she's lost another. He needs to die...And Kohaku must live.  
  
{I've tried Like you To do everything you wanted to}  
  
"I suppose I'm more of a coward than I initially thought. Daily I'd watch you. Free to be yourself. I tried, I really did. But I could never do it. I could never be free around you. I didn't want you to love me too, Sango."  
  
{This is The last time I'll take the blame for the sake of being with you}  
  
"The last lie to you... I admit to it. I'm so sorry. Sorry for everything I did to you. I know if you're sad, they will blame me for leaving. I accept that. Because at least I saw you before I left... Just don't be sad, Sango. Please. Not on my account. I'm not worth your tears.."  
  
{Everything falls apart Even the people who never frown eventually break down}  
  
The smile I wore, like so many others, were fake. Until I saw Sango. Then they were real. But it's ended now. Even seeing you right now wouldn't make me happy. Everything is falling apart.  
  
{The sacrifice of hiding in a lie}  
  
If never I had decided to convince myself of so many things, would thing have turned out happier? I was a generally happy person, but... Things are going wrong. That was my sacrifice, I suppose. Lying to myself only brought it on. I should have been prepared. Though I do prefer pretending to the reality I live in.  
  
Because the pain is growing.  
  
{Everything has to end you'll soon find We're out of time left to watch it all unwind}  
  
"Good bye..To all of you..." I can't keep this up anymore. I cannot hide. I can hardly move. It all hurts so badly. I just wish I had a bit more time. Time to tell her what I feel. Even if it would break her heart. At least she'd know..  
  
"Houshi-sama!" Oh no... It seems I'll have time, after all.  
  
{The sacrifice is never knowing Why I never walked away}  
  
Had I just left, I wouldn't love her. It wouldn't hurt so badly to see her. I'd fallen to my knees. Hearing her call my name, I clenched my hand into a fist, the one bearing the pain. I could feel beads of perspiration slide down my cheek. Even in the raven black of night, I was sure she could see my pain.  
  
{Why I played myself this way}  
  
"Sango..." That was all I could choke out. Kami. I should have left a bit earlier. I knew it was coming. I had maybe two days. And the pain would continue until then. It was spreading. I pretended this day would never come. I shouldn't have done that.  
  
{Now I see Your testing me Pushes me away}  
  
That bastard Naraku. Look what he did. Making me run away. Making her hurt again. And I can do nothing to ease the pain of either of us. If I could, I would.  
  
At least hers.  
  
{Why I never walked away}  
  
"Housh-Miroku!" Her exclamation ground into me. I couldn't stand seeing her hurt. The pain in her eyes was obvious. And all because of me. Had I left earlier, she wouldn't have found me. Why didn't I?  
  
{Why I played myself this way}  
  
I guess my holding out was pretending this would never happen. I knew it would, in a corner of my mind. But I never acknowledged it. Until I had to. Until then, I ignored it.  
  
{Now I see Your testing me Pushes me away}  
  
I had to run, because of Naraku. Damn him. Bowing my head a bit, I glanced away, my face twisted into a grimace, Sangos into fear. Why now? He had brought it on us. He knew all of the pressures and tests he laid out would get to us.  
  
{We're out of time Time to find how it all unwinds}  
  
Now I can't even see the end. I can't see if she'll be happy. At least I can see one end. My end. Every story has an end. Mine's coming to a close. There will be no encore.  
  
Is she... Crying? But wait... When was she at my side? My last memories would be horrible. I had made her cry. Damn it. And I can't do anything. I can hardly move. The pain should recede a bit soon. It wasn't my time for at least a day. But even so... She was crying.  
  
{The sacrifice of hiding in a lie}  
  
I have to tell her now. I have to face reality. This is my destiny. I ignored it, but I can't anymore. Ever again. Clenching my jaws, I forced myself to sit up, and look at her. A soft sigh escaped me.  
  
{We're out of time Time to find how it all unwinds}  
  
Even though I'm telling her... Even though I'll know how she feels, too... I'll never get to see what comes of it. Even so. I have to say so. I can't just pretend, as always I did.  
  
"Sango... I need to tell you... I have maybe two days to live... If I'm lucky.. My hand hurts very badly.. But my heart hurts worse. I'm so sorry for all I've put you through. I never would have, if I had known things would come to this. Us sitting in the dark forest at night. The mood isn't right. But I have to tell you before I go.. I... I....." Why did it have to be so hard to tell her?  
  
{The sacrifice is never knowing Why I never walked away}  
  
Now she was watching me, tears still clinging to her cheeks. My hand ached, but I could ignore it around her. Reaching up, I brushed away her tears. "Love you.." It had only been a whisper. And now she was silent. I really wished I had left earlier. I wouldn't have to listen to the thick silence. It hurt to hear.  
  
{Why I played myself this way}  
  
She hates me.. I knew it. It's all my stupid fault. After what I did...  
  
A frown moved across my features. I felt my lips crease into it. "I'm so...So sorry."  
  
{Now I see Your testing me Pushes me away}  
  
Another test, Naraku? You like to watch me suffer. You heartless ass. I hope you die slowly, like I will. At least you deserve it.  
  
"I--Miroku... You...Do?"  
  
{Why I never walked away}  
  
After how I treated her, I', not surprised she didn't believe me. All the lies. The lechery. Every thing I did was a sin. I should have left. Should have spared her everything. All of the anger. The sorrow.  
  
Silently I nodded, watching her expression. She began crying again.  
  
{Why I played myself this way}  
  
How could I have hoped she would care back. "I have to leave you, Sango... I can't put you through what I went through. I don't want you to watch me die.." I reached for my shakujou; I had dropped it as I fell.  
  
Suddenly, her hand shot out to stop mine. I glanced in surprise at her. She was so beautiful. Even with her face streaked with tears. Even with shadows playing upon her. She was more beautiful than anything.  
  
"Miroku... You can't leave me.. Please don't leave me..." Her eyes were pleading.  
  
{Now I see Your testing me Pushes me away}  
  
I frowned. If it weren't for Naraku, this wouldn't be happening. He's making me leave her again. Him and his games. They'll be his fall. "I have to."  
  
"I love you..." Did she? But I.. She can't!  
  
"Sango... I'm sorry.. I can't stay.. It hurts me so badly... But.. You can't see it.." Now I was the one crying. It felt pathetic. Biting my lip, I drew my staff to my side. Looking at her with a soft frown, I kissed her cheek softly, and stood. "I'm sorry."  
  
And I walked away. I couldn't look back. I couldn't see her pain again. Nor could I see her beauty. Because as soon as I did, I know I would have gone back. It surprised me to find she didn't come for me. Wretched sobs yanked at my heart as I walked. But I had to go. I suppose we realized that when you love someone, sometimes you have to let go...  
  
------------- Wow.. I'm really pleased with this. Not only is it my longest fic yet, but my best 1st person POV  
  
I hope you liked it. Please, if you read this, review. 


	2. Back

Hmmm.. I was requested to continue this fic. I'll give it a shot.  
  
And again... I don't own the characters.. Don't you people get tired of hearing that?  
  
-------------  
  
And I walked away. I couldn't look back. I couldn't see her pain again. Nor could I see her beauty. Because as soon as I did, I know I would have gone back. It surprised me to find she didn't come for me. Wretched sobs yanked at my heart as I walked. But I had to go. I suppose we realized that when you love someone, sometimes you have to let go...  
  
--------------  
  
It's pathetitic, really. Not once, over the entire span of the nine-teen years I've lived, did I ever live for myself. Not a single day devoted to me. Certainly I did thinkg to be comfortable, but the entire time my life was devoted to avenging my family. I was born for just that reason. It's really not fair. Not once did I get the chance to just enjoy life. My destiny was chosen for me. All because of the kazaana.  
  
Though now I realise something else. I gradually let vengance for my family slip from my mind. In the beggining I lived only for them.. But now.. For Sango. I don't mind that much. Atleast I could choose that much. I didn't choose to be born with a curse ready to be passed to me. But I chose to devote everything to her. Sango.. She was my everything. My entire reason for living.  
  
Kami-sama. I'm dieing now. I can feel the agonizing stabs rip through my mind. Yet....With her on my mind, it isn't so bad.  
  
I'll slay him. Naraku. I have only a day left to do it. But I will. Sango will have Kohaku back. Sango will be happy. Sango will have -me- back. She loves me. That gives me reason enough to kill Naraku. Because she'll be hurt worse, if I don't. Loosing another she loved. It isn't fair to her.  
  
I'll find the heartless bastard. I'll wring his neck. Even if violence doesn't suit me. The mere though of him makes my blood boil. I'll kill him alright. He thinks I'm no threat..But he'll see. The kazaana is stronger now then ever. Yes.. I will slay him.  
  
I know he'll present himself to me. He wants to watch me die. I can feel it. Now.. Just to find him.  
  
The ebony painted branches reached slender fingers for me, as I hurtled through the forest. I'll Find Naraku. I can sence him. I know he's near. He'll die.  
  
And there he is. The over confident moron. It that really him? How.. Ah. It's him. I can see the shards he harbors. I'm just close enough. He really is stupid.  
  
"Naraku! You knew this would happen! I'm going to make you pay for what you've done! What you did to Kikyou! To Sango! To Inuyasha and myself!" Blasted hanyou. In the dark he looks sinister. The starlight avoids his hair. It makes me sick.  
  
"Do you really think I can be so easily defeted?" The moron. Did he expect me to start studdaring? Begging for forgiveness? I merely shrug.  
  
"My life is nearly forfiet anyway. I don't care if I die here! As long as you die, too!" If it weren't for my current situation, I'd be laughing. It was a remarkable imitation of Inuyasha. I've been around Inuyasha for far too long.  
  
"So be it, then." The hanyou chuckled. Damn him. Nodding, I raised the shakujou. I'd kill him. I had to. With another chuckle, he rushed at me. Surely he fought better than Inuyasha. Smirking, I blocked to blow. I was determined to not become too cocky. But he was going to fight like this the whole time...  
  
Another lunge, andother block. This was becoming too simple.  
  
What was that flash of light?  
  
Oh Kami....  
  
Did he really do that?  
  
I.... He did... The damned bastard...  
  
He had a sword. I should have noticed earlier.  
  
I'm not going to die without him. Even though my blood stains his blade. Even though the hole in my stomach prevents much moving. Even though I can hardly breath. Even though the world's going black. I'll kill him.  
  
He's laughing. I'll show him. I can't call out, even. But I can use the kazaana. With nearly the last of my strength, I pull open the air rip. The look of surprise upon Narakus face was pleasing. He turned, and threw something. He was pulled in nearly instantly. And.. What's that? It is.. The shard.. It fell. Falling beside it, I take it into my hand.  
  
I have almost no strength left. I think he poisoned the blade. It would be like him.  
  
My grip about the jewel as tight as it could get, I let darkness overtake me. Just before it does, I realise why the jewel fell. He threw it.. The kazana brought it back...But when he was taken in, the curse was removed. And so the wind stopped, leaving the jewel for me to find.  
  
I have almost all of the jewel.. But.. That wasn't my objective.. "Sango..." I can't die....  
  
"Sango.." If I die...Would it be failing? It would be. I..Need to atleast see her again. The blackness spiked, and edged to a dull gray as I forced myself to stand. Breathing heavily, I lean against the shakujou. My no longer cursed right had clutches at the jewel. Tucking it into my robes, I recall something else.  
  
Kohaku.  
  
Certainly the child is near... Regaining his memories, slowely. Ah.. There. In the coal black of the starless night, he's almost impossible to see.  
  
I can bring him to Sango. He's alive, I can tell. And if I'm not mistaken, he's no longer dependant on the shard to live. Breathing heavily, I make my way to him, collapsing at his side. I'm so tired...But first I must see Sango.  
  
Carefully I pull the shard from the boys back. I was right. He's still alive.  
  
So tired... But Sango.. Sango first. Then sleep. Lifting the boy --He's very light, and yet..Feels heavy-- I turn from the direction I had been going. Turn to where I had come from. Leaning heavily on the shakujou to walk, begin in that direction.  
  
I barely see the pool of blood. My blood. It looks like tar. So dark. Forbording. Frowning now, I step over the puddle, making my way back to where the trees clutched at me. Trees wearing scowls, with their arms stretched toward me.  
  
I'm seeing things, now. Death wants to claim me. But It can't..Sango first. Trudging through the forest, I collapse to my knees. Just a short rest. I can't even feel my knees. So tired. So dizzy.  
  
I styand wearily, eyes half lidded, blood running in torrents from the wound made by the sword. Definatly poisoned.  
  
Giving a soft cough, I begin again to walk, allowing blood to run over my lip. I have to see  
  
Sango.  
  
And there she is. Crying. In the same place I left her. "San..Go.." So beautiful. So very beautiful.  
  
And she looks up. And I fall down. I can't stand again. It would be pointless. "Sango.." And now she's up. At my side. Pulling Kohaku from my grasp. Crying even harder. Hugging Kohaku. Or maybe not. It's all too dark.  
  
She pulled me into an embrace, sobbing loudly. Screaming almost. It seems like it. Maybe I'm just afraid to let her go. So it seems like screaming, to keep me with her. It's not working. "I..Got to see you again.."  
  
I feel so guilty. Dieing on her. Doing just as I wanted to prevent the whole time...My hand hurts.. The jewel. It must have cut into my hand. Opening it, she examines my bleeding palm. Double takes. Noted both the jewel, and lack of hole for the first time. and prompty weeps harder.  
  
And that's where everything went dark.  
  
---------------  
  
Mwahahahahahaha! Will there be more? I don't know. I could make him live, and do another chapter...Or that could be his demise.. You pick.  
  
Oh.. I realise he's a bit OOC.. But dieing.. Or dead, who knows. All I know is I have an ewxcuse. He wanted to make Sango happy. He wanted Naraku dead. His hatred grew, as he thought about what happened. So.. Yeah..  
  
And if you think he's not ooc.. Well thank you! But.. I think he is, a bit.  
  
Miroku: Does my oppinion matter in the least? I say I ought to live. After all. I can't die without an heir.  
  
Sango: You already killed Naraku -.-  
  
Miroku: Ah. Even so... I deserve a little fun, atleast...  
  
Sango: Hentai!  
  
Miroku: *grin*  
  
^^;;;;;; Err.. Right.... 


End file.
